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Male spouses often overlooked

When it comes to the term “military spouse,” there’s an immediate assumption that you’re talking about women. But, more than 6 percent of military spouses are men. And they have unique views and concerns that affect military families.

Understandably, you’re hard-pressed to find support services catering to military husbands compared with those supporting military wives. Consequently, the lack of such programs leads to guys feeling unsupported and unempowered.

The Defense Department needs to recognize that male spouses have unique needs and create resources to meet those needs. Male spouses also must be proactive.

“Attending your unit’s family meetings and your installation’s activities is hard, especially when you’re the only male, but you really can gain some great information,” said Luke, husband of Army Sgt. 1st Class Tina Flatebo.

Male spouses have noted that it would be easier to feel included if unit leaders and female spouses would participate in support groups and make efforts to craft a less-sexist environment.

“The ombudsperson and other spouses might consider that there may be military husbands in the command, and events like flower arranging, a sushi making party, or a book club might not be suitable for everyone,” said a husband of a Navy officer stationed at Annapolis, Md., who asked not to be named.

Responding to male spouses’ concerns means identifying and understanding their needs. Some are similar to those of female spouses, such as the emotional strife of dealing with separation. Other needs are completely opposite.

“I still have issues with things around the house, like when to change sheets, shampoo carpets, clean bathrooms and buy supplies for the house,” said Jefferson, husband of Army Capt. Stephanie Cediel.

Another concern that resonated among male spouses was about relationships. “Your husband goes to work with a bunch of guys. My wife goes to work with your husband and all his buddies. Even though I trust my wife completely, to say that doesn’t bother me would be a lie,” Luke said.

The number of male spouses is growing, and their voices are being heard. With everyone’s help, eventually the disparity will diminish.

In the meantime, here’s Luke’s recipe: “Male spouses have to be proud of their wives and their [own] individual accomplishments. Display confidence in both yourself and your wife’s career.”

That speaks volumes, not only to the men, but also the women, about how to find support. http://www.fieldproblems.com/http://www.armywifetalkradio.com/

Crooks and Henderson are military spouses and co-authors of the syndicated column and Web site http://fieldproblems.com. Crooks hosts the online broadcast Army Wife Talk Radio.